Is it possible that your security is unsustainably expensive and comes from the exploitation of human rights in other places? Why was it necessary for the people of Afghanistan, Iran, Iraq, Syria, Yemen, Somalia, Nigeria, Libya, and others, to pay for your perceived security?
I also find it hard to believe that China has had little military engagement for the last 25 years because it’s worried about the US. Up until 5 years ago it was the US’s top foreign Treasury security owner.
Trauma responses are hard. I think it’s great you’re actively working on it and are conscious of your own biases, that’s huge. Good luck!