Ben Hur Horse Race

I have a laserjet 1020 and its absolutely flawless

its all of Shrek

das it mayne

getting from my house to my office on my old road bike used to take 45 mins and I’d be sweaty when I got there, and the idea of 45 mins uphill after work used to make me wanna off myself. Since I got an e-assist its 25 mins and I’m like lah de dah meep meep

no black FUCK

stick to thinking about Luke Skywalker’s hair color and telling your mom you broke a vase

well, they’re perfect, its the world thats unfair

people with narcissistic personality disorder very, very rarely go to therapy. its their spouses, kids and employees that come to therapy. not their friends, though, because they do not exist.

because everything else people have listed are free

dont ask how people are doing if you don’t care man

thank jeebs

I find lots of GOP people admit trump is shit after they’re done kissing his ass and pretending to agree with him in order to keep their jobs

well as long as you heard something several times

my close friend just volunteered as a poll worker for the PA presidential primaries which was held in a church, and she sent me a photo of the very anti-choice pamphlets they had laid out not exactly in line-of-sight to where you walk into and through to vote, but very, very close by

its not, I was riffing, its not that exaggerated but its like that.

Its like: Two guys square up to me. Big mistake. I swing wide with a right hand hay maker and he crumples like wet newspaper. His friend steps back. Too late. I gave him his chance. My fist fire out and collapse his solar plexus. He’s gasping for air as I stand over him. “Whos’s paying Franly to follow me?”, I demand. etc etc

Ive read two reacher books and they’re fucking hysterical. I cant believe how god damned dumb they are (first one was a gift from a client and I felt obliged to read it. second my wife got me as a joke).

Two bad dudes, thick as oak trees squared up to me. Bad choice. One made a move to see if I’d flinch. I didn’t. His friend’s eyelid flickered just a tiny but when his fake-out plan failed. Fear. I span around and swept my leg through both of their legs. All four of their kneecaps exploded into red mist and sent pressure shockwaves up their vascular systems with enough force to blow their eyeballs out of their sockets. Four peach pit sized occular orbs with red ribbons arced across the parking lot. Your move. Checkmate. I went back inside the bar and finished my beer looking like I’d been airbrushed with crimson. The beer was warm.

or intelligence, or thoughtfullness

he was a lot more than just too old. evil genius, really. piece of shit but he spearheded so much of what seems normal now

easy

honestly dude the older I get the more I learn a lot of behavior that seems hurtful is just coming from someone who DOES NOT pause to consider what its doing to someone else. its not that they dont care, its just it never dawns on them that its hurting others