Cheating is complicated. Yeah some people just will, they are fooling themselves when they say they won’t. Some people find it sexy, they literally want to cheat, they think it’s hot. Others will if the situation gets extreme, people in dead bedroom situations who want to keep their family together and make the calculation (or miscalculation) that cheating is less damaging than divorcing. I worked with old people when I was younger, my bosses were old Spanish people who married for business reasons but had lovers, they did not love each other in a romantic way.

I’d say that as divorce becomes easier to get, marriage more based on love rather than alliance and monogamy less required, there is probably less cheating. But it won’t ever be zero.

If you are asking is cheating universal? No. It’s not.

I think sort of, yes. It’s funny because I will move somewhere, then it gets gentrified and people can’t afford to move there, it’s happened four times in my life. But doesn’t that mean I am an early stage gentrifier, when I move where I can afford to?

And on energy, I feel stuck, need a car, don’t use it often, with two large and two small salaries in the household we are solidly middle class but I don’t want solar panels because then my roof and house become uninsurable, we are all electric no gas.

In short YES anybody living in comfort is likely part of the problem, but I would love for everyone in the world to live in comfort!

Training. I sold things at a market on weekends and told my kids it was “remedial sales and social skills training”. I’m still not a social butterfly by any stretch, but fake it till you make it helped me to be more comfortable talking to people.

I like it on corn. Cheese grits with cheddar & nutritional yeast; on popcorn OMG like it better than Parmesan (and I say this as a woman fascinated by cheese) and on corn on the cob.

I do not like it on tofu as sub for scrambled eggs. Nope. Mostly use it for grits and popcorn.

How much better of a world? I’d be happy with half of what I have if it meant literally everyone else in the world could have that much, certainly. Move 4 more people into the house and give up half the money, half the clothes, my car, of course I would do that if it brought the same level of wealth to every single person, it would be not great at first but wow can you imagine how fast it would get better, if nobody was terribly poor? I’d bet that by the time I was old we’d personally be better off than before the split.

No, my kids are certainly diverse in sexual preference and one is transgender, but I didn’t have any sort of unacceptance. I grew up around drag queens and “theater people”.

Maybe in the other direction, honestly - I didn’t see the trans one until they literally came out by telling me, my conception of womanhood is so broad that my kid looking like a 40 year old butch lesbian did not ping any trans radar so I was surprised when they said they wanted to be a man. Not mad or anything but it took awhile to process.

Nobody else has had to “come out” or worry about the race or sex of who they are with, they can bring home whoever they are going out with and we don’t blink, it’s fine.

Cook red lentils with collard greens, mustard greens, or kale, seasoned how you like. Grill sourdough on one side in butter on the cast iron; pour lentil stew over the bread on the untoasted side, eat with all the utensils, knife, spoon, and fork or chopsticks. Yum yum.

Or simple cheese toast if not feeling like cooking. Toast bread, add cheese, broil till melted.

Here (Florida) the county has a $30 test and treatment program so no, it doesn’t have to run through insurance, and the rule is 13 and up can go without parents. I’m sure this is what they are pushing back against.

Ten? Anyone, if I have it on me. I don’t, usually but have done that for random panhandlers, instead of spare change.

100? That’s harder. Any friend or relative who hasn’t asked me for money, again, if I have it and they don’t.

1000? No. That is “questions asked” territory for anyone.

Even if not. The kids who need the privacy are the same kids with the parents fighting to remove it, no doubt. All those “parental notification” rules are evil for the same reason. If your kid felt safe telling you, they would tell you! My kids could talk to me, and did, but I always let them know that confidential testing and treatment was available for $30 from the county clinic (that charge was for all the tests plus any uncomplicated treatment, or education and referral for more complicated treatment). I used it plenty as an adult, way cheaper than the doctor for all the tests to make sure all ok before a new relationship.

What awful news. It’s always been 13 here since I had kids, the age you can go to the STD clinic at the county, and have limited medical privacy. I used to give my kids flyers for their friends so they would know. It does make for some odd effects (there are 5 years when we can’t use the online health portal at all because the kid is old enough that I can’t login and see their info but not old enough to have their own login.) but overall seems like the right age.

Presumably when you have kids you know you are growing them into adults, right? You can’t keep them children right up to 18 then suddenly expect them to be adult, nothing good can come from that.

Hmm.

Honestly John Rys Davies, based solely on Dominic Monaghan’s description of him ordering dinner when filming Lord of the Rings.

"John Rhys-Davies… took us to a restaurant. And it was when we’d only just started to get to know John. And we sat down at this huge, long table, and he said, “I think I will order the food for tonight.” And we said, “Oh, ok, on you go John.” And you know, we were having a conversation, and the waitress came over, and John ordered food that would probably have fed 35, maybe 40 people. And there were about 12 of us. And he just said, “We’ll have nine lobster and 15 shrimp, and 12 red snapper, 15 filet mignons, and some grilled mushrooms. I’ll have 12 onions and a wild boar…” You know? All this kind of stuff - just like, “Pheasants, and grouse, and - do you have partridge? Bring the partridge.”

Standing on the side of a road (a real road here in town) with a group, waiting for a bus, when the ground underneath us starts to rise - it’s not the ground, it’s a giant spider! And as it emerges and starts lumbering down the road we realize it is also our transportation, the bus stop was the bus.

I think that was the weirdest moment I have experienced.

I learned to be cool in hot temperature by being still, in the shade, with a breeze, it’s very hot and humid here but also windy usually.

Trees help so much. It is noticeably cooler at the park than in the city.

In the house when there is not air conditioning, roofed porches and opening the windows with fans pulling air through the house helps.

I’m reasonably good at surviving pregnancy and childbirth, and nursing. Think all my other skills are only useful after the agricultural revolution.

Every month or two I’d say, maybe 8 a year? Not big arena shows, usually one multi day festival and a few concerts at smaller venues, and yeah if there is live music at a bar that is always preferable to TVs or recorded music. Generally don’t buy merch, no. My kids sometimes do.

Warrior had such an awesome intro, we never skipped it.

This does sound like she has depression, and needs to address that before working on the relationship.

If it was not so obvious, I would have said she’s checked out of the relationship, but reading the whole post, I don’t think that’s it, it’s more like she’s just checked out of life in general, so I will hope she gets help and finds her energy and libido and joy again.

Then they can work out a schedule to balance the effort. Some of our “rules” are:

If I cook and you eat, you clean, and vice versa.

We make the bed together.

If the toilet paper runs out replace it!

If the dogs or cats need water, fill it!

Outdoors I do everything (garden, weeding, flowerbeds out front) except mowing and edging, husband does those.

I make all design decisions for the house because I have a better eye, husband makes all vacation plans because he’s good at that.

I’m sure there’s a million ways to set things up to leverage individual strengths and talents and still be balanced enough but none will work without commitment from both people, you do have to want it.

A few things help me.

Short commute, so no extra time spent getting to and from the office, and an electric bike that I enjoy commuting on.

Coffee and breakfast at my desk at work, not before going in.

Help at home - husband cleans after supper, and we have a biweekly cleaning lady so I’m not spending all weekend just catching up, can have at least a day to actually relax.

The people I work with are amazing, I like them so much and they like me and each other, it’s a good group.

Taking all my PTO. I do a lot of Fridays off, and usually one solid week off at some point but using them to make short weeks/long weekends feels best to me.

If you really can’t adjust maybe ask about doing the 40 as 4x 10hours not 5x 8?

Make it so.