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Joined 11 months ago
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Cake day: August 8th, 2023

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  • Hopefully, most of the time. I feel like I’m generally friendly and helpful, and compared to many people around me I feel like I don’t let myself get to carried away with anger or frustration. I’m not too good at showing it though. Due to autism I feel like there’s a bit of a difference between how society expects people to show friendliness and how I do it. I’m quite reserved and I usually don’t randomly show up or give gifts or something. I generally don’t care about my own birthday and such, and therefore I’ll also not think about those things for others. I try to detect when it does matter to people, and think of something to do or give, but honestly these expectations really stress me out.

    I can definitely be a bit of an asshole sometimes though. I don’t like people talking nonsense. In places where it matters, like work, want direct communication, with as little weaseling around as possible. No big words, no politics. So I will be that person that asks the “rude” and difficult question if it’s necessary. I’m also quite stubborn, and require strong argumentation to actually be convinced of something. I’ve become more aware of this, so I tend to think twice nowadays to ensure that I’m really fighting a fight worth fighting and don’t let myself get carried away too much with debating minor things.


  • Honestly, how it’s been so far here this year, it’s pretty much the perfect season. Temperature during the day between 18C and 25C. Warm in the sun, but with a cold wind. Cooler in the night, so I can sleep decently. And nice and sunny, with very long daylight. I always notice that I’m a lot happier when it’s light outside, so I’m feeling a lot better in this weather. I do agree that the 30+ C days and 20+ C nights are hell, mostly because airco’s aren’t that common here


  • Exactly. I think it’s easy for autistic people like me to fall into this mindset. When I was younger I was quite disillusioned with the world, mostly because I didn’t fully fit in. Feeling like I was in some way better, because I was driven by logic instead of emotion, was probably a defense mechanism or something. In truth it was not that I didn’t have emotions, I just wasn’t able to listen to them. Luckily I never really got into the far right “facts don’t care about your feelings” bullshit.









  • Right now I’m basically playing Beyond All Reason almost every evening. It’s a game in the Total Annihilation “tree” of games. A massive scale RTS. I previously played Supreme Commander and Planetary Annihilation, both of which are also inspired by Total Annihilation, but I have to say that BAR is really better than both of them. I almost can’t believe it’s an open source game. It’s still in alpha, but it’s been way more stable than most AAA games I’ve been playing recently.


  • I wouldn’t say that my mental state is perfectly optimal at all times, but I usually don’t experience any of these. Sometimes I get overwhelmed with the world, when life feels like a treadmill going faster and faster and I just can’t keep up. Usually that resolves at some point though, and then I can be somewhat happy and cheerful again in the here and now. Nowadays I tend ro try and dissociate a bit from what’s happening out there.

    There’s war, famine, and crisis in the news every day, but I just have to accept that I can’t change the world on my own. I tend to ignore the news mostly, apart from the headlines every now and then, because it just constantly got my mood down. Me being sad about it doesn’t help anyone.

    And life may be meaningless once you start analysing everything. In 200 years there will be barely any trace of me. The more reason to just do the things that make me happy, even if it ultimately doesn’t matter to anyone else.

    I’ve found that the ability to be happy is something subconscious that can fail from time to time. In 2019 I wasn’t doing great and everything just felt empty. I did fun things, but didn’t truly feel anything from it most of the time. When I recovered in 2020, I felt a weird happiness that I didn’t understand. The world was going to shit due to COVID, and yet here I stood smiling at 2 birds fighting over food. It’s like I got a sense back that I didn’t realize was lost. Since then I try to remember this “irrational” happiness whenever I feel down. At some point it’ll always come back again, and the exact same situations will suddenly feel happy and worthwhile again.