I assumed they meant in the “build vs maintain” sense. Builders add to the conversation by telling their own stories. Maintainers instead focus more on “wow what was that like for you?”

https://haileymagee.substack.com/p/these-three-communication-differences

But that’s a guess.

Mostly specific to online dating, but: People who dead end a conversation. Like, their profile says they love the author NK Jemisen. I write, “oh, I love her books! Did you read The City We Became? It’s a total love letter to the city”.

They response with, “no”.

Friend, that’s not an effective way to play this game.

If you are not interested in dating, just unmatch. Maybe you swiped by accident or when drunk. I don’t care. I’m not going to remember.

If you are interested in dating, you should put some effort in. If you don’t throw the ball back, you look like you’re either uninterested or incapable. I don’t want to date someone who’s not interested, nor someone who can’t carry a conversation.

You might be thinking, “Well they asked a yes/no question and I answered as such”. Technically true, but not productive. What do you expect them to do? Ask another first-message-tier question? This isn’t supposed to be a one sided interview like you’re applying for a job. You’re supposed to be a full participant. Ask a question (preferably related to the topic). Or, if you’re not interested anymore, unmatch.

You might also be thinking, “well I don’t have time for a whole conversation right now”. Ok. Do you ever have time? If not, delete the app because you don’t have time to date. If you do, answer when you have time. These things are asynchronous. If you’re afraid you’re going to forget, I don’t know man write yourself a note. That’s a life management problem outside the scope of dating advice.

This whole thing peeves me because it feels like people want “banter” and witty conversation, but they don’t want to do their half of it. They want to be passively entertained, but this isn’t some podcast you can listen to when dozing. These are (hopefully) real people looking for connection.

My therapist told me that people have different styles of communication and that’s okay. Maybe some people would be happy where their conversations are no deeper than “Did you hear the new slothrust album?” “No”. Doesn’t seem like an effective way to get to know someone to me.

Say four guys are sitting in a bar having a sports argument—talking about the upcoming college football playoffs, say. They begin by agreeing that Ohio State is the favorite because it is currently ranked number one in the polls, which it in fact is.

But one of them says: No, Texas A&M is number one. The other three look at him like he’s insane. They reach for their phones, they tap, tap, tap, and they show him the rankings. But he keeps insisting. Those polls are fake. It’s Texas A&M. Everybody says so.

The conversation stalls. The liar has “won” the argument. Not in the sense that he is factually correct; he is not. But he has won in two senses. First, he has shut down what might have been a rational, interesting, spirited debate that proceeded from shared factual premises. Second, he has forced the other three to waste time and mental energy debating a proposition that is not remotely up for debate, and in the process has succeeded in making himself the center of attention and controversy whom everyone else talks about.

Sounds like they should remove the liar from the bar. Maybe not beat the shit out of him and leave him in a sobbing pile of piss and vomit in the back alleyway, but certainly not just letting it slide.

Liars and such get by because people are too polite to do anything about it. This goes for other bad behavior, too.

Someone in my extended friend group got a divorce, and her ex-husband started acting like a creeper. He was bothering the other women in the group. Eventually, another dude in the group pulled him aside and said if he doesn’t behave, he can’t hang out with them anymore. The guy didn’t change, and now he’s out of the friend group.

Of course, there’s so many shitty maga-hats that maybe he went and found a new group of misogynists .

This is very heteronormative and gender binaried. Queer people exist and date.

That said, anecdotally, from the handful of women I’ve talked about this with: many don’t like making first moves on these apps.

Using dating apps is a skill, and if you haven’t been practicing sending messages you’re going to be bad at it. The vast majority of first messages I got from women were “hey”. Trash tier. Probably because they just haven’t done it very often.

The problem is most people are lazy and don’t understand anything. They just use the app they know, even if it sucks.

If you got it to be popular it could work , but I don’t see how you could.

What’s that saying? If conservatives cannot win under democracy, they will not abandon conservatism. They will abandon democracy.

They are bad people choosing to be bad people repeatedly.

In the context of Trump et al doing rape, I don’t think the distinction presented by Kelly really matters. Any amount of sexual assault and abuse is too much.

In what way does it matter here? Is some amount of trump rape acceptable? Is it beneficial to anyone other than trump et Al to split this hair?

That is a bizarre and ungenerous conclusion. Do you think adults having sex with 15 year olds is okay? What point are you trying to make?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Distinction_without_a_difference

A distinction without a difference is a type of logical fallacy where an author or speaker attempts to describe a distinction between two things where no discernible difference exists.[1] It is particularly used when a word or phrase has connotations associated with it that one party to an argument prefers to avoid.

For example, a person might say “I did not lie; I merely stretched the truth a little bit.”[2]

Conservatism is a bad world view. Rigid patriarchal authority will lead to abuse.

The only thing that matters to them is in-group solidarity. They are bad people. That is a bad person world view.

That’s so much money that could have been better spent

This should be a climate crime and the management responsible forced to pick up trash or some other appropriate punishment

I think food and having belligerent neighbors might be a problem.

I mean, kind of, but the robber is the root cause. They have agency and choose to rob. If it was flood protection, yeah, can’t blame the water.

The Republicans deserve the bulk of the blame

If I leave my door open and someone robs me, that’s a little bit my fault. But it’s a lot the robber’s fault.

The Republicans have agency. They choose to be human shaped trash bags. They deserve the majority of the blame and scorn. They are the worst people on earth.

I don’t think laws mean anything anymore. There are too many bad faith (pun intended) people in positions of power.

If ww3 happens to the tune of the US collapsing, there’s good odds it ends in a nuclear wasteland. There are too many religious nut jobs in power that probably believe nuking new York City means Jesus will come back or something.

The bullets don’t have to be silver. The GOP aren’t werewolves.

“divisive” is such a stupid attack. It has no substance. Sometimes people are divided for good reasons!