southsamurai

I’m pretty basic. Van Gogh is top for me.

Mind you, Gonsalves ranks right up there along with Magritte and Monet.

I reckon you can guess what “schools” I tend to respond to most lol

Aight, you asked multiple questions, so you’re going to get some strange answers, possibly including this one.

To your title question, the only time I’ve heard anyone say that, they were being a douche. My response online is mostly of the “down vote, report if appropriate, and move on” variety.

In meat space, my response is usually either an eye roll and walking off, or a “fucking moron” and walking off.

I have big dude privilege in meat space, and roll well armed, so have no need to pretend to be nice to douche nozzles spewing bullshit.

The other questions are harder.

1: for a given value of factual, sure, I guess. But it’s using imprecise language that’s been weaponized, so I would be dubious of someone stating it until there was more context. “Biological” isn’t as definitive and limited in usages as to be without question in that context.

2: don’t matter. If a guy says he’s a guy, he’s a guy. If a gal says she’s a gal, she’s a gal. End of fucking story, and I will gladly tell anyone fucking with my trans homies that they’re a fucking moron and be willing to either walk off, or fuck them up if they insist. IDGAF about sometimes XY or XX status, or any of the other possible combinations (remember when I said “Biological” isn’t that useful or definitive? Yeah, biology ain’t a binary). I care about the person’s expressed self. It’s about basic human decency and respect.

3: I wouldn’t respond logically. It doesn’t merit any effort on my part. I’m not in the business of convincing anyone that everyone has human rights, should have equal acces to all civil rights, or that someone else’s gender is none of their fucking business. It isn’t about logic. Anyone at this point trying to frame gender as some kind of science debate is a douche and can go fuck themselves. The debate at this point has nothing to do with “biology”. It’s about human rights. And yes, I will fight on that hill.

4: it would only contradict if the person trying to bring “biology” into a conversation is being a douche instead of just missing the point. I don’t automatically assume a person trying to frame the subject in those terms is acting with malice. So they may not be contradicting the fact that trans women are women. They may just be exploring the language of transness in an attempt to better understand the matter. And that’s okay. It isn’t a built in part of language, so everyone has to absorb the concepts over time.

Alas, assholes and morons use that language to denigrate trans people. So I also can’t assume someone isn’t doing so. I have to wait for context, or be proactive in stating that I ain’t putting up with bigotry, so if that’s where they’re going, it won’t end well.

Me? The debate is over. What’s still in play is people finding their path to internalizing the subject. We don’t get to debate what is a fundamental human experience. Trans people exist. It isn’t imaginary on their part, it isn’t bad parenting, it isn’t trauma. They’re trans, and that’s it.

I don’t think there’s a single objective answer.

The gist would be that it’s habitual due to long term cultural patterns, the same as what any given culture has in regards to food.

At some point, the concept of big piles of food being the default crept in. I suspect that it originated between feast/celebration foods and the “working man’s meal” where early workers in agriculture and industry needed a shit ton of calories to keep doing their work. Once enough people see that kind of portions often enough, the mind decides that must be what everyone is supposed to get on their plate.

Then, as things like machinery and eventually robots removed more and more of the physical labor from jobs, sizes never went back down because the outcome of eating beyond what you need isn’t immediate and obvious. So you follow the defaults, do what you have seen and internalized as the norm.

But there are still plenty of jobs where loads of calories are necessary to get through a shift. So people still see that, and thus expect it on their plate even if it isn’t a healthy amount for the job they have.

TV just follows society most of the time, so a show will most often mirror a norm without any effort to correct for what’s best for individuals.

When it comes to restaurants, there’s an extra later though. Even if people know they don’t need that much, there’s an expectation that if you pay for a given order, you’ll get the same amount as anyone else that orders it. So restaurants have to scale to what at least a decent sized segment of the population expects to see. They won’t be happy if they get less return on their plate compared to another diner, despite that other diner being on a road crew busting their ass laying pavement in the sun all day and needing more.

If a restaurant either changed sizes per customer needs, or charged an extra amount for people with higher needs, they’d go out of business fast

For humor, strokin’ by Clarence Carter. I’ve been known to say “ima put on some mood music”, then start that track and do a bump n grind to it. Surprisingly, it works often enough that I keep doing it.

More seriously, I favor Barry White for background music for sex. The combination of solid rhythms and that sweet baritone get the job done when a partner doesn’t have their own preference, but wants music.

That being said, Prince, during his symbol era, put out a song called 7. It’s not even a sexy song, per se. But the rolling rhythm and vaguely romantic lyrics work for me, and tend to work well for others, so it’s high on my list of songs for sex. As a single favorite, it takes the spot. https://youtu.be/9V-vcXOpG9g

Depressing though? I am not depressed by music, even sad music. Sad music may make me somber, but not sad.

However, if I need a good cry, the Dixie Chicks version of Travelin Soldier will do it damn near every time. Don’t even know why really, but I think it’s the voice tone and arrangement that push it into tear jerking rather than the lyrics, even though the lyrics are sad. That’s because there’s other versions, including by the original songwriter, that don’t make me cry at all. No other song comes close to the reliability of tears that one does.

Frankie Stein, of course. Monster on the outside, bubblegum on the inside.

Okay, real answer time.

But we gotta ask more: okay for who?

A dental dam provides (or can provide) protection to both parties.

Since going ass to mouth is inherently high risk, the person performing analingus is going to benefit more from it in that regard.

So, anyone objecting to you using one while eating their ass should be told to eat your ass as you walk out the door.

That being said, dental damns do change the sensation of oral endeavors for the recipient. Same as condoms or gloves, the texture just isn’t the same. Unlike those, using a dental dam takes a bit of skill to make work. So you know, “okay” is likely to be as good as it gets without practice. Goes for eating pussy too.

Me? It’s like being in the mafia; one slip of the tongue, and you’re in deep shit.

Also like the mafia, I ain’t joining in without multiple kinds of protection.

Butt, if you put the time into using them with a partner that’s open to a mutual learning curve, the end result can be very pleasurable, even orgasmic.

The key is to remember that the dam is not great if it’s used the way it is in the mouth in dentistry. It can’t be a static barrier and actually feel good. So you need a decent sized sheet that allows you to move it with your mouth and tongue (again, this applies to both analingus and cunnilingus) without also exposing your mouth to the anus and its immediate surroundings. It also doesn’t do any good if the damn is slipping around so much that it gets twisted, resulting in both sides having contact with the recipient.

So while you’re trying to move the dam to cause stimulation, you also have to keep it fairly limited in how far and how it moves. It’s a learning curve

Also, an instructional video: https://youtu.be/3l2oi-X8P38

Races are mostly arbitrary groupings, based on skin color more than anything else.

Ethnicity, however, is less arbitrary, but still contains some arbitrary factors. It’s usually going to be based in culture or national origin, depending on who’s using the term.

So, Swedes do have their own ethnicity, though you’d find arguments exactly what ethnicity they’d fall into, but it would likely be different than Brits.

Ojibwa people are very different culturally from, say, Cherokee people. There’s even a good degree of common features that vary. But some people will still try to lump them together as “native American”, even though that term is almost as useless as “white” or “black”.

Truth is, we’re all mixed to some degree. Except maybe the sentinel island peoples, or other isolated groups. Even then, it isn’t like they didn’t get to wherever they are without traveling, so they mixed with something along the way, even if you have to go as far back as when Neanderthals and what gets called modern humans were still fucking.

That’s part of what makes ethnic groupings partially arbitrary. It’s unusual for no movement between groups to occur, even across pretty damn brutal landscape barriers. Big rivers, mountains, they aren’t totally impassable. Even deserts can’t keep humans from fucking each other in small numbers as they travel.

However, you can usually go with nationality and ethnicity being linked, though there’s so many exceptions that it’s absurd to do so. Just look at Nigeria and try to sort out the various groupings there and not notice there’s barely an overall national connection between them. And that not everyone in those groupings are even all in Nigeria to begin with.

You know, I don’t think there is such, at least not in the way I think you mean.

And it is a community that could use a lemmy representation. It would likely need to be on one of the blahaj instances just because having admins that are overtly queer focused will help keep things from being bombarded.

Yup, communities.

Shorthand is often just c/

My default was always active listening. It took me a while to develop real skill at it, then longer for it to no longer be something I had to turn on.

There’s exceptions of course, but most people that are expressing emotion publicly do just want a chance to vent and be heard, no matter what that emotion is. Anger, grief, confusion, fear, whatever it is, just having someone gently say “hey, I can see you’re having a rough patch, can I help?” Is all it takes usually.

Sometimes, you might have to go further, draw out the personbehind the emotion. Sometimes, they don’t want to be bothered at all, and just couldn’t find somewhere private before they broke. In that case, you’d be surprised how often they still pull themselves together for someone offering real support, and you can then guide them somewhere they can break down alone, if that’s what they really want.

But mostly, just being present, really listening and giving just enough feedback that they know you’re paying attention instead of just being a fencepost, it helps.

But tears? That’s easy. If they’re giving you those tears, you accept them as the gift they are. Especially if someone breaks through the usual barriers with strangers and reaches for physical comfort, you just give them that shoulder and make soft noises while supporting them. If they aren’t in contact, extend a hand, just a hand, to where they can reach it if they want to, but not so far it becomes insistent. Then you just listen and let their tears wash away enough of the raw emotion until they can talk.

At some point, most people wind down a little and start apologizing. When you give them a genuine smile and say something akin to “hey, it’s okay, we all have to look out for each other”, or “it’s okay, we’re in hospital, it’s gotta come out sometime; I’m just glad I was here to listen”. If that’s a genuine thing, if you mean a sentiment like that, it’s like aloe on a sunburn. It doesn’t fix the problem, but it takes the edge off long enough to regather and cope just a little while longer.

I’ve been on both sides of it. Hell, three different sides: patient, family member, and caregiver. There’s no single,perfect path through it, but someone even trying to help and fucking up is still a great balm

We got to pick, though most people stuck with the closest version to their real name. I did.

But we could pick any name, if qe wanted, which was pretty cool

You can’t help others if you don’t take care of yourself.

So, you can’t take care of others’ shit if you don’t take care of your own shit first.

Which is a valuable lesson I learned while wiping asses for a living while having IBS. It just happens to apply here as well

I dunno if crazy is the right word, but you do run into people no longer giving a fuck the older they get. However, you also get them settling down and chilling out more as well.

The key to the kind of thing you used as an example is that if you can retire with a decent nest egg, you now have both time and funding to fuck around and find out in ways you can’t before that era of life. Mind you, you also have to get there in good enough shape to fuck around at all, but that’s tangential to this matter.

In my years doing end of life care, my patients were obviously past they point of getting up to serious shenanigans, but they would sometimes have family that were quite fond of finding fuckery to get up to.

One thing I noticed about old dudes was a proclivity to cars that were well beyond the horsepower needed for daily tasks. Anything from standard sports cars to serious machinery like one guy that had a pro street 55 bel air. Which, since I got to drive the thing, was bitchin!

Now that I’m in my fifties, I get it even more than I did back then. Life is fucking short. None of us get out alive, so there’s a tipping point where one’s give-a-shitter takes a flying leap. Since life is also often brutal, it makes sense that once you’ve done the expected bullshit, spending what time is left rotting in a chair by a window ain’t exactly enticing.

Only thing keeping my crippled ass from souping up my little 4 banger and seeing how tight I can get it to corner at speed is budget. I’m in that window where my reflexes are still solid, and my experience is deep, so taking opportunities to push the envelope like that makes sense.

I reckon that once I get even older, I’ll have less to lose as well, so I might end up doing something batshit like strapping rockets to a car just for the lolz. I’ve seen the destruction curve of the human body as it ages, so I’m not exactly enamored of longevity what with the shitty quality of life that’s nigh inevitable.

But for real, the majority of old folks are just tired and want a fucking nap.

I think you’ll find that the gripe is more about it being implemented badly, and in a way that’s harmful on multiple levels rather than the technology itself.

Man, those Doritos tacos are evil. They’re edible crack.

My favorite fast food chain is burger king. There’s just something about the cooking process of that chain broiler that works for me.

Least favorite is McDonald’s. Sorry, but the fucking salt levels make my mouth dry out.

Dude! I love mundian to bach ke!

But most of my “foreign” language music pleasures are less identifiable.

Like, there’s a lot of zydeco that’s in French that I love, but it’s hard to find recordings of any kind, much less digital options.

And I can essentially endlessly listen to what’s called throat singing, but have no idea what titles would be to recommend. Almost all that I have is Mongolian or tuvan, and didn’t come from a CD.

Allow me to come at this from the other side.

I can’t work. My body gave out, and even though the shit show that is disability income keeps me below the poverty line, I’m essentially useless at any job that requires me being upright. So, I’m stuck there.

But if I could go back to work, I would.

I’d want to be picky at this point, but there’s a lot to be said about having structure and an external purpose (as opposed to finding one within yourself, which is still possible while working, just not necessary).

Since my job was at least emotionally and mentally fulfilling, I do miss the actual work ad well. I mean, fuck the industry and the actual available employers, but doing direct patient care was fucking awesome, even when it was stressful or painful (be it physical or mental pain).

The pay sucked. Bad enough that even working full time, I technically have a higher income now than when my hourly rate was at its highest back then. But going in, helping someone, that was the shit right there.

I could have gladly done the hands on work for forty years. Even though most days I was exhausted at the end of the day. If you’re lucky enough to have a job that fulfills you, the only problem is when you can’t take breaks from it, or when the broken system means you can’t make a real living doing it.

I recently had a loved one have a major medical event. During the aftermath, I had plenty of chances to use my old skills, and it was one of the few bright points that got me through the fear and stress of it. There was still that old joy at really, truly helping someone get better, to have a less bad day at the very least.

But, legit, there’s other things I could gladly make a job of if I were both physically capable and could make enough for it the be worthwhile.

What sucks for what you’re asking is having to work just for survival ata job that isn’t fulfilling.

That being said, I’ve known a ton of people that were quite happy being a cog in the machine as long as the pay was enough to let them live how they wanted.

Besides, you don’t have to plug away at the same blah job the entire time. It’s entirely possible to not only switch jobs, but move into different industries. Like, one of my uncles over his almost sixty years of working was a prison guard, a foundry worker, a school custodian, a woodworking instructor at a high school, and a mill worker. When he’d get tired of something, he’d just start looking for something with similar pay (or better) and jump ship. He bitches about being bored now that he’s retired.

Fuck no.

My comments wouldn’t differ, but I’d be too likely to have to shoot some moron that can’t leave the internet on the internet.

Legit, I saw one break once with a patient just leaning on it with one hand to reach a cabinet above the toilet.

It wasn’t really catastrophic, but if a 200lb dude leaning against one with only part of their weight can crack the ceramic, there’s no way standing on one is at all acceptable.