In the days of old when knights were bold and toilet paper wasn’t invented, they’d wipe their ass with a piece of grass and walk away contented.

I like how this comment could either be very harsh or quite supportive, depending on how the reader chooses to interpret its meaning.

I’ve dislocated my shoulder fourteen times; as a result, when I broke my ankle, I just thought it was dislocated as well. I twisted it back into place and tried to stand up on it … Twice … Before my neighbor heard me and gave me the sage advice to stop doing that.

If by “electric candle lighter” you mean one of those “plasma” or arcing ones, they’re awesome, but cannot light anything that won’t fit between the two ends of the arc. I love mine for candles, but have yet to successfully start my charcoal grill with them. I imagine a campfire would suffer similar issues.

Hopefully you have better luck!

I am not qualified to answer this, but I did once see a similar question asked on Reddit. The best response I saw was from a commenter whose name I can’t remember, else I would credit them.

That commenter said that his infant daughter had required an operation on her rectum. The commenter asked the surgeon how the surgery site could possibly not become infected and was told “the asshole knows how to handle shit.”

That answer seemed reasonable to me and I probably will never forget it.

From context, I assume Mobile Device Management, though I’ve never heard it it being used other than by an employer.