One of mines:
All the kids had a name, all except
A guy walks into a bar. “Ow!”
two guys are walking outside and one of them says look at all the bird crap and the other looks up and asks “where?” lol
Former Socialist country man speaking: «everything they told us about Socialism was a lie, but everything they told us about Capitalism was true»
Why was 7 afraid of 8? Because 7, 8, 9.
But why? Because you’re supposed to get 3² meals.
What’s the difference between in-laws and outlaws?
Outlaws are Wanted.
I couldn’t get my wife’s attention the other day. So I sat down, got comfortable.
That did the trick.
time flies like an arrow. fruit flies like a banana.
why did the little old lady fall into the well? she couldn’t see that well.
My wife threw a bottle of omega-3 capsules at my head. It’s okay, I only sustained super-fish-oil injuries.
What do you get if you cross a mosquito with a mountain climber?
Punchline
Nothing. You can’t cross a vector with a scaler
The United States of America
Yo mama so fat, when she fell in love, she broke it.
your mama so fat, her blood type is ragu. lol
mama so fat Thannos had to snap twice!
yo mama is so fat she outweighs the needs of the many.
your mama is so fat, when she hauls ass, she has to make 2 trips. lol
As someone who loves puns and other dad joke type humor, puns feel very much situational and a part of improv. They’re great in the moment when you quickly think of something that gets the crowd groaning, but I can’t just dig them up with no buildup and get that same feeling.
For example, I could tell you ten random puns without context to try and make you laugh, but more than likely, “no pun in ten did.”
What do you get if you drop a piano down a mine shaft.
A flat minor
What do you get if you fling a piano intro an army camp?
A Flat Major
This would be even more effective as a dead baby joke.
I see said the blind man, as he picked up the hammer and saw.
im on a seafood diet
i see food, and if its a fish i eat it
Does music ever make you wonder? It certainly made Stevie Wonder
