cross-posted from: https://beehaw.org/post/19420914
Trying to understand why I had these opinions, I recalled how much different being a man felt at 18 versus 28. I had no money which I presumed meant I had no value to the opposite sex. I wanted the company of women and girls, but I also resented them because I lacked experience in dating and my few experiences were rocky. A lot of magazines and headlines focused on the shortcomings of men and boys in the early 2010s, and it was easy for me to get negatively polarized into thinking it was a personal attack. Academic feminism did and does a much better job explaining patriarchy better than blogs and news sites which boiled down systems of sexism to individual behaviors.
My experience as a resentful teen boy wasn’t unique. It’s the same experience that millions of boys are going through, which they’d ordinarily grow out of by the time they hit their twenties. In my case, it was happening during a period of social revolution on gender and during an evolution in mass communications. Many of these early communities on Atheism, which captured me for their sensibility and anti-orthodoxy, evolved into anti-progressivism and eventually evolved into the Redpill and Manosphere which is how millions of young boys today engage with their gender. At least my period in this mindset was short lived: about two years. By the time 2016 rolled around, I had clearly lost interest in online gender wars as tyranny seemed a greater threat. I was now 24 and actively attending college; I had plenty of friendships and dating experiences with women, and that teenage resentment was forgotten.
The big crisis we’re dealing with today is that the resentment is not only not expiring when men get into their twenties, but it’s being weaponized globally by parties against men’s material interests. What young boys like me didn’t realize when we were being lectured about patriarchy and the problems of men, is that being a man is an extremely privileged position over women, we’re just not old enough to benefit from it yet. This presents a problem on how we teach oppression and discrimination to young people who have little autonomy of their own and feel bad when you imply your immutable characteristics harm people you seek validation from.
This here is it. It’s where you place blame, not just what you’re exposed to. I’m an “uneducated” worthless factory schmuck, and perpetually single as they pointed out is the trend, but I’ve never blamed women for my failure. I’m worthless and that isn’t their fault, it’s mine.
“There are plenty of fish in the sea” so why would anyone with two functioning braincells go for someone like me when there are so many better options out there especially considering the fucked up economic situation our parents and grandparents have left for us? No on in their right mind would look at someone as worthless as me and choose me over someone else who has a similar personality, but actually has a career worth a shit.
That’s not the fault of women at all, that’s just logical. I may be funny at times, nice, and at least as intelligent as a monkey, but so are millions of other people who also can contribute to a fulfilling life without economic struggle. Why sign up for potential hardship when you don’t have to? Tie that into the world of dating apps where your profile is your resume and you’re part of the buffet table of choices easily passed over for the more appetizing, fulfilling meals. It just makes sense.
It’s the entitled, inflated ego, self centered people who go and blame women’s choices as some sort of “problem” because they weren’t chosen. The phrase “get good” comes to mind, if I’m not good enough that’s my problem not theirs.
I’m sure you’re not worthless, but you make a fair point, that it takes a certain temperament not to be able to see the situation objectively but to put all the blame for your own misfortunes on women.